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victoria 2
It's 2 days till I move, and for some reason I feel oddly nostalgic. I think about the things I won't experience. Over dinner two nights earlier I asked my mother about her childhood. Catching spiders. Climbing trees. Celebrating my grandfather's birthday by blocking off the entire main street, having two 歌台 performances, wearing nice dresses. Killing chickens and pigs every Chinese New Year, how 20 cents could buy a bowl of Laksa, a drink and a cheap dessert. How Cornettos costed 35 cents. How she could hear the patter of rain on the zinc roof, how she could see the stars at night.

Sometimes I look at a place and try to imagine it 50 years ago. Was this building here? Was the asphalt road just gravel? I get a little thrown by the differences. After all, it's just all in my head.

Then I think about my own life. There was that one summer I spent in Fremont, watching Out of the Box as I ran my fingers over the grey carpet underneath me. There are the little snippets I recall in my old house, the time I set up a tent in my room and slept inside once as a sorry alternative for camping. I think about me and my friends.

There are a lot of things I don't know. I just... don't know.
01 11 15 - music recs!!!
victoria 2
Music is a HUGE part of my life, and idk it kinda sucks that none of my close friends share the same music tastes I do. So here is an attempt to share my favourite kinds of music in the hopes of maybe finding someone who likes these singers or bands :)  Well, this is about music other than kpop HAHA. Kpop doesn't really do it for me now, but I still listen to some occasionally.

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12 22 14 - road trips

road trips are both great and terrible at the same time, especially when you're sitting at the back. but this is one of my favourite pictures i took on the trip, even though it isn't a picture of anything special really :~) my mom is on the left driving and my aunt is feeding her grapes haha

i think a lot of driving is inevitable when you travel to the US, especially if you're going to california. (i've never been to the east coast, but i hope to go there soon!) i've been to california many times as a kid because my dad used to work there. it's a pity my memory is so bad and i don't remember much. although recently i was able to answer a friend's chemistry question and i was quite shocked that i still remembered inorganic chem. i'm pretty sure i threw out econs though!! lmao

my favourite childhood memory in california was rolling on carpet flooring. it sounds stupid and it looks stupid also but i kid you not, the actual feeling of rolling around on the floor is AMAZING. it makes me feel alive. carpet flooring is inconvenient because you have to vacuum everyday and i already do not do chores so. yep. i remember once this kid spilled coke on our carpet. and we had to vacuum. this was in a tiny apartment in fremont.

i travelled with 7 other family members this time: 3 aunts, 2 uncles, 1 kid and my mom. it was hard to coordinate such a large group, especially since we had to drive two cars. walkie-talkies were a dumb idea because we went out of range pretty fast. thank god for whatsapp though! this trip was completely different from my last trip in 2012 which was more of a college tour and sightseeing trip. this trip was basically a shopping trip. lots of shopping....everyday.... it was so tiring because some of my family members can skip meals to go shopping. basically i was like fuck it, visited the stores i wanted to see then i just sat around in the food court to wait.

what's great about road trips in the US is the scenery (or lack thereof in some parts). when we drove to nevada there was obviously nothing much to see, desert and all, but driving in california is nice. there are hills and mountains, many trees, vineyards, and even huge ass rainbows. like you could literally see the entire fucking thing. wow.

road trips are a must do. you have to experience it at least once in your life. but would not do again because i really hate motion sickness and having to hold in my pee lol
12 20 14 - writer's block
Remember the time I used to write fanfiction? How I wish I could write as easily again. Granted, 15 y/o quality fanfiction can't be any good, but like why does writing things now feel like shitting bricks?? I'm applying to a total of 14 schools (or 15, if you count Yale-NUS since i'm using my application to Yale for that). Okay. I have already finished applying to 4 four schools and essay writing was painful. That leaves around 10 essays to write before the 1/1 deadline. Fuckity fuck.

Essay writing is painfully slow. Not only because it's hard to be completely personal — heck, if there is any good outcome from uni application, it is that I now have experience at reflecting on my past experiences — but I also have to be flawless at my writing style. Which I can't because I cannot get any words out. It feels like after A-levels I promptly dumped all of my writing skills like the way I said bye bye to econs.

Another part of essay writing is getting feedback. I know criticism is good and it helps you to improve, but I don't like putting myself out there. A praise is like a +1 but a piece of criticism is like a -10 feeling, you get what I mean?

I need another vacation.
12 19 14 - Missed you all
victoria 2
Hi friends! It's been two years since I've actively used this account. I spent a massive amount of time looking through my old posts and deleting some of them. God was I embarrassing. I've retained some for sentimental value, but have placed them on private so that no poor soul would have to read the shit I used to write.

Over the past two years, I realised that I seem to have grown inwards rather than outwards. I kept everything that was going on in my life to myself and a handful of close friends. I don't know what to make of this distance. On one hand, I liked keeping things private. There wasn't any need for people to know everything. Besides, I didn't have the time to blog anyway. On the other hand, I also saw myself drifting away from old friends because we simply didn't keep up anymore. With uni coming, I don't know whether physical distance is going to erode more friendships. So I guess, that was what prompted me to revive my livejournal account. I'll probably put most posts on public mode now.

Tbh, I feel that livejournal has changed for me as well. Kpop fandom seems a bit dead here now, and I barely keep in touch with my fandom friends anymore. Sigh. 2012 was a great year. My music tastes have definitely changed now, but I occasionally indulge a little in kpop. You know, for old time's sake ;)

Several updates about what I've been doing in 2014:
1. I'm applying to US universities. Hopefully one of them will take pity on my asian soul. So far, I've received a rejection from Stanford. I cried for around 5 seconds because I was walking around in the getty center when that happened. I thought I would be more upset at this but I was surprisingly okay. I think the fact that the four other people in hc i applied with were also rejected. But hey, misery loves company. I'm applying to around 10 other schools, so this period is quite busy for me.
2. Went on a family vacation with 7 other family members to California! Got back on Tuesday. I have never been so glad to eat Chinese food. Maybe I'll elaborate on another post.
3. I got back into Pokemon. It happened around May when they announced the ORAS remake and wow did I miss the game so much. I'm currently watching the anime, as well as other cartoons like LOK and Gravity Falls.  Not sure why I'm not like other people of my age who watch dramas or fancy adult shows, but cartoons are really great imo.

You can listen to a playlist I've put together on 8tracks here!